I haven’t written any thing here for a while as I have just been busy and happy.

I wanted to share this though as it makes me happier!

I love telling stories and for years I have used it in class to keep kids amused and interested. I first told my class this story way back in 2003. I went on to use it again and again to other classes and it grew, and grew into a book.

I sent it to a 10 publishers but had no luck. It’s been sitting on my computer for ages and so I decided to sell it through Amazon for Kindle. It’s about as cheap as I could make it, they have minimum pricing.

If you know any kids who likes ghost stories, pass it on. It’s a cheap Christmas present!

Right now I’m making brooches. This started when we went to Orkney on holiday and discovered the Ronaldsay sheep. They are mad looking creatures that live on the shore line and eat sea weed. They are fenced off the land, left to live on the beach and rock pools, hopefully enjoying paddling and the salt air. I bought some of their wool and made a jumper. It was a bit scratchy. Well if you live your life in high winds and constant sea breeze you’re going to need a strong coat. I never wore it and not liking the idea of the money going to waste I decided to felt it. The result was a wonderful material that was fun to play with. 
I studied product design, and although the items I designed were larger and more mechanical the priniciples are the same. I had the raw materials, the time and the creative need, result- brooches.
I call them Maggie Makes…

They make me happy, there’s the smile.

I am happier, not chirpy cheery annoying in your face smile mate, but just in my self I feel better. I see all sorts of things now that before I looked at without noticing.
From the noises little kids make for no reasons, couples in love, old folk who look immaculate, attractive people who ooze good vibes, buildings with bits worth noticing, animals, food and the sky. I don’t think I’ve spent so much time looking up before.

I have learned to allow myself to be happy without guilt.
here’s my top ten things to do when you’re down.

-Be active.
-cook good food, or find someone who can.
-see your friends.
-watch kids play, or better still play a game with them.
-make something.
-do your favourite thing, I cycle.
-clear out a cupboard or that box in the wardrobe, throw stuff out.
-kiss and hug the folk you love
-hold a baby
-Look up, around, over, under, between, behind and into the world, there is always something to make you smile.

So as I start 2011 I have new habits and a good feeling. I wonder what will make me smile today.

Like now, I can’t really remember feeling this unhappy for a good while but I feel guilty about being this way. I feel I gave up my right to misery when I started this blog to the simple smile.

There is a reason I am unhappy, it’s partly my fault and partly circumstances but the big thing about it is I feel trapped and there is not a simple solution other than continuing to face the thing that makes me feel so bad and trying to positive about it.
It makes me wonder if there is not enough beauty and wonder in the world to fix this one for me.
That makes me think what a load of wank, if you excuse the phrase. I am just a little bit of this world. I may be in the most important bit to me, but not to the rest of the planet. I can think of a load of worse situations to be in, but that doesn’t help.

The reality, I think, is that we need a bit of misery now and then to keep us even. If we were happy all the time we would be really annoying and probably living in a fantasy world.

So I am going to sleep unhappy, I may toss and turn, I might even ‘greet’ but I know what I feel and I am alive and well.

Today I met a musician who is going to come and work with us for a little while, she was just an easy person to chat to, very enthusiastic, creative and positive.

I met the goals I set for work, probably surpassed them.
has an easy afternoon.
went a walk up the hill with the dog.

all of this is true but none of it makes me feel better, I have to really notice the detail.

A young person trusted me today and I didn’t let them down.
I was supported by my work mates in exactly the way I needed.
I heard from an old friend which is always good.
it was sunny all day meaning the park was busy. I saw a happy ‘tramp’, a couple who were really in love, loads of cyclists enjoying the hill, and lots and lots of kids in the new swing park.
tonight’s dinner is already made and smells great.
our neighbour’s dog is healthy again,
we’ve just put the radio on and some good tunes are playing…

I think I feel better now, remember the detail.

Lots of people use food to feel good, so do I but not quite in the same way. I like to cook, bake, mix, fry or boil ingredients to create something very good to eat. Last Friday I was in need of some relaxation but it was too wild to cycle so I made fish pie for tea, meatballs and sauce for Saturday and around forty Italian doughnuts. I was in the kitchen until ten to eleven at night but it didn’t feel that late when I stopped, I thought it was about eight.
If I ate everything I made I would be super sized, fortunately I can restrain myself, only had four doughnuts over the weekend and that includes the test one….

So doughnuts are good for me, they help me relax and calm down, focusing on making the shape with a hole out of super sticky dough is enough to take your mind off anything. On top of that is the pleasure of watching everybody enjoy them and seeing the pile get smaller as they are munched.

I know that less and less people bake and cook from scratch these days but it’s a wonderful skill to have and it isn’t that difficult. The doughuts get a bit messy and my recipe has potatoes in them, but the smell just melts your heart. Memories of childhood and my mum who spent hours creating the best food in a poor wee Scottish kitchen come flooding back to me, and that’s what I want to do for my kids, give them good memories and the yummiest food.

Spend a few hours doing something you love, share a few hours with someone you love or just work out what you love, that’s a start…

We had our kids there and they had a ball, especially thanks to two of those English guys who spoke to them and listened and danced and laughed and teased and made them feel part of the party. That’s a skill that not every young guy has and that made the party the best they’d ever been to…so I’m told.

The birthday boy plays rugby and his friends hired him a stripper. It’s a while since I’ve seen a stripper, she was very nimble, attractive, young and very undressed. My friends talked to her after and she’s paying her college fees by working at nights, seemed a lovely girl….well good on her, it’s her choice and she hopefully made a good amount of money for her short lap dance. It’s just that I had my young kids there and we never had a chance to leave, I thought she would be a funny stripper but she was way up on the play boy scale.
This is where the smile comes in. I wasn’t close enough to my kids to shield them but our two young heroes were, Frank and Adam went between sitting on them, lifting them up and turning them round, using a tray as a cover. All sorts of stuff but it was constant and kept my kids safe and free of the embarrassment and grown up horror that was being played out on their own hero.
My youngest daughter was a bit stunned by the whole event but she’s fine, a new experience, it adds to her life skills.
Every one should have a Frank and Adam around when a naked girl turns up, just in case.

Stuff you can’t buy
:bike rides
:winding up the kids
:walking the dog on Arthur’s Seat
:home made cake
:a bath, clean sheets and early night
:cuddles
:comfort of family
:a smile from a stranger
:accepting a compliment
:making a nice meal
:having a nice meal made for you
:chatting with friends
:the Botanics in Edinburgh
ortobello Beach
:staying with friends
:helping friends

Just writing that list makes me smile. It would seem looking in wards that the last few weeks have been stressful and hard for me but if I look back I can notice all the good things that have happened. Little things, events, words or meetings that you may normally just pass by and not think about or notice. But when you are running with all the complexities of family life behind you it’s important to remember the little things that count, they will be there when the money runs out or when the job finishes.
I hope I will always have such great friends and be close to my family, but I have them right now so I am going to enjoy them with greed!
No matter how hard work can be, demanding family can be or whatever there is always something to smile about or take a moment to appreciate. You just have to be awake to it.

-hard day at work.
-suffering
-hurtful comment
-self doubt
-late home
-sore head
-knowing it’s all happening again tomorrow.

What stops you drinking?
I ‘ll look for the smile.

The person who was unwell will be okay tonight.
The staff at the hospital were great.
My line managers were supportive and there.
My work mates were there with me.
The people I work to help are more than worth helping.
I missed something but I won’t again.

the point is you can find negatives all you like, it’s easy to jump on the crap train. It’s hard to know you were wrong but worse to pretend you weren’t and a mistake to not fix it.

A year of trying to be positive and see the good has rubbed off. I am tired but not stressed. I know there are things I wish I could have done better but they don’t stop me seeing all the good things that happened today.

I have managed to change my default position from
“shit happens to me” to
“shit happens, deal with it and step around it”
so if there is one thing to take from my rants it’s there is as much good around you at anyone time